Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Pivotol Moments

Have you ever had moments in your life when you realize (maybe not right then, but certainly soon after) that you just experienced a pivotol moment in your journey?

I had one of those... and I don't even know if it was a moment or rather several consecutive moments, but either way. A major change has taken place.

Last night after I got home from my Bible Study, as I do most weeks I sat and talked with Tim for a while about what I had learned, what impacted me, what I'm struggling with, etc. It's a precious time for me, and I cherish it every week. Last night was particularly.... deep, I thought I knew what I was going to say until I opened my mouth but when I actually started talking something entirely different came out. To be honest, I'm still reeling from some of the things that came out of my mouth. The Lord was certainly filling my heart and mouth with some things that He needed to reveal to me (& Tim) and some healing has definitely taking place (for me).

I don't want to go into too much detail (to be honest, it's still a vulnerable wound right now and I just need a little more time), I am still a little shocked by some of the emotional confessions I made but I do want to encourage you all, that regardless of where you are at right now, regardless of what you are feeling, God is bigger!

One of my biggest struggles lately has been "I'm just not feeling it." I was still praying, reading studying but I wasn't feeling a lot of desire or excitement - occasionally, certainly - but not consistently. The enemy has been working overtime to cloud my thoughts with doubts, fears and failures and it had taken it's toll on me, I was run down and running on empty. I kept praying to God "Lord, give me a desire and a heart for you - give me an unquenchable thirst for you! Give me the fight I need to get through this. I WANT YOU, I NEED YOU!" and I persevered as best as I could, even when I didn't feel like it, it wasn't easy.

Last night, the Lord made a break through and this morning, I literally feel like a new person. I have so much more to work through and so much more the confess, repent from and grow through, but right now, in this moment I am thirsty, I am excited and my desire for Him has returned.

I am reminded once again that God is bigger than my heart, my emotions, my fears and my shame. He is able to cover a MULTITUDE of wrongs and He LOVES ME, and He loves you.

Some powerful lyrics from (another) casting crowns song that I just love is "East to West" (it's on my playlist if you want to scroll down and select it) please read the lyrics and allow them to sink in, they're powerful:

"I can't live by what I feel, but by the truth Your word reveals
I'm not holding on to You, but You're holding on to me
You're holding on to me"

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hey Baby, I love you and I know that God is always going to be there for us he is so faithful and is never going to leave you.

Rebuke satan everytime we come against him, we will win it's promised to us.

You are a beautiful and adorable child of God.

Love your Hubby

For His Glory said...

I don't know where to leave a comment! I'm glad to have you back in the blogging world! I think like you've been saying all along that God has you right where He wants you to be; I'm glad you are able to receive and see it.

Congrats to Treyton on spelling his name!!! Post a pic of his house pic too, okay!