Monday, July 27, 2009

Who's Leading the Journey

A journey as described by dictionary.com is "a traveling from one place to another, usually taking a rather long time" and I don't think there could be a better description of where I am at currently in my life.

God has been taking me on a journey.... a traveling from one place to another. From a place of pride to a place of humility. From a place of condemnation to a place of healthy repentance. From a place of shame to a place of righteousness. From a place where "I can't be good enough" to a place where "He is Enough!"

The last several months have been some of the most spiritually painful I have ever gone through, one of my journal entries reads "I feel like I'm bleeding.... this hurts".

After a couple months of long hard journeying, the Lord revealed to me, this journey has been more painful than it needs to be - I have become my biggest obstacle.

I don't think that the original journey was not meant to take this long. I stepped in, tried to take over.... of course (sarcasm), I had to try and make the trip on my own. I wanted to show God how capable I was by taking care of my "stuff" on my own. I mean, it was obvious the areas that needed some fixin', so why shouldn't I do it on my own?

So that's exactly what I've been doing.... I've tried to do it myself. I've tried to be godly without God. I've been trying to produce the Fruit of the Spirit without the help of the Spirit. I tried to prune the branches without a Gardner.... and I've failed, and I'm lost... somewhere in a desert.

I don't want to do it anymore.

It is time.

It's time to grow. It's time to fire myself and allow God to take over. It's time to let God prune what isn't needed and burn it. It's time to to take back what the enemy has taken. It's time to trust, it's just time.

I'm ready for the real Journey.

I'm ready for Him to lead me.

I'm ready for Him to teach me.

Lord, transform me!!

"He found him in a desert land, and in the howling waste of the wilderness; He encircled him, He cared for Him, He kept him as the apple of His eye." Deuteronomy 32:10

Afterthought: The Lord is so gentle with me. As I was getting ready to post this, the Lord whispered something to my heart:

Maybe, just maybe, this lesson was a part of His journey. He never lost me, He knew where I was and what I was doing, and He was watching over me, pursuing me, leading me. Even in spite of me, He was teaching me, lessons that perhaps I needed to learn the hard way. Hmmm... interesting.

1 comment:

Catherine said...

Hi Amber,
God is working these trials for your good. 2 Cor 12:8-0 says "Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it (the thorn in his flesh) away from me. 9But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.

I went through a similar spiritual journey recently. I was also trying to "do" and "be" everything in my own strength. I didn't have a full understanding of God's *grace* and realizing that changed so much for me. Here's some encouragement for you:

http://firstimportance.org/2007/09/18/is-it-not-because-you-are-looking-to-yourself/

In Christ,
Catherine